My 1St blog was just to tell a little bit about my very early childhood. Needless to say… From the time I was 2 years old until I turned 16…life was ugly and by ugly I mean horrible. I’m not writing this to make my Dad look like the monster he once was…. Because by age 16 -Dad had gotten off the drugs and booze and little by little… Day by day I watched in amazement as EVERYTHING started changing . Did this happen overnight? Hell NO but my journey is so unique so RARE that most people (even many psychiatrists) seemed to have a hard time believing me.

After Mom the Saint married Dad the Sinner… looking back – I sincerely do not know how my 4 siblings are all alive today. But we are and I am living proof that what doesn’t kill you makes you crazier… Or was I suppose to (say) Stronger lol.

We grew up in a dirty tiny trailer house with the floor falling through in the (boys) bedroom. If Dad was “out for the evening ” we all could relax and pretend we were “normal “. When Dad would return home… He literally said ” you kids better find a place to hide ” This actually meant GO TO BED… But I was always the slowest… I always got “caught ” sometimes he did it just to scare us but if he was all kinda jacked up on only god knows what… It was usually a belt that would be used. Sometimes my brother would intentionally be “the slowest to run for our bedrooms (looking back I realize this)

The point of this blog is actually very inspirational… But I must re- visit some of the memories I have buried deep in the back of my effed up brain – so any reader that chooses to follow me – has a better understanding. I promise I won’t type the REALLY bad memories because most are better left unspoken.

Dad had a much much worse childhood than I did and Life experiences mold us in to the humans we are today.

Mom worked at least 2 jobs trying to pay bills and keep food on the table… But when Dad was MIA we would sneak (down to gramma and Gramps) we literally lived about 1/8the of a mile up the hill from them. We NEVER had enough food and Dad would NOT hear of a “hand out ” So rarely were we allowed to go to gramps house to eat. Gramma would sneak us food and make excuses for us kids to come (down and help) with something or other.

My older sister and I had a different biological father… But he was a local celebrity and far too busy chasing women to spend time with us.  Courts granted bio dad one visit per month… The 3rd weekend of every month.  He was NEVER there so Sis and I stayed with bio dads mom.   I must say she was the kindest sweetest little old lady I had ever met.  Lets call her Granny H.  When our monthly visit was over we were sent home with new clothes,  toys cash and a child support check.  For about a year sis and I were simply too Young to figure anything out….but when we arrived back to the trailer we handed mom any cash we had received in addition to the child support check.  Several months later sis and I overhead a heated argument from mom and dad and at that moment we realized why we still never had food on the table.  Dad would attack mom to get that check and what do you think he did with it?  He BURNED it.  A few months later things went from awful to hellish… when sis and I returned home with new bikes …Dad made us carry them to the pond and throw them in if we didn’t throw them far enough we had to Wade out in the nasty green scum covered water and push them down. Could not tell you how many times similar situations happened. As we got older… We got smart. Any gifts stayed at granny Hs house and all cs checks we gave to (let’s call moms parents The Bs. If dad were to inquire about cs check – we lied. “He said he didn’t have the money “. Dad LOVED to hear those words. “Good for nothing POS can’t even afford to pay cs hahaha “

One day when I was in junior high the whole family was outside picking up rocks my mom heard the phone in the trailer ringing and ringing and it just wouldn’t stop… So reluctantly she went inside to answer. What transpired during that one call – it changed life as we knew it

Rags to Riches

That “phone call ” happened about 30 ish years ago and life has never been the same. My Dad- although he is THE smartest man alive (imo)…however- he dropped out of school in the 8th grade…and he had a DAM good reason in doing so. Let me tell you why…Dad had 3 brothers, 3 sisters, an abusive alcoholic father, never met his mother and one set of grandparents. Dad was always the trouble maker in school…he was the youngest of the brothers. One day- Dad got in trouble for something at school and had to “stay after for detention “. Dad did not ride home that dreadful day in the car his older brother owned. Dads 3 brothers were killed instantly when a truck attempting to pass- hit the brothers head on. I cannot imagine…can you? That was the last day dad ever attended school. That was the day he began drinking and doing drugs…ANY drug would do, he needed to stop the pain but he didn’t have the tools to do it correctly.

I am probably not the best writer but I really want to share my life’s journey with you. My life has been up it’s been down it’s been all kindsa crazy. BUT my life? My crazy ass life has made me who I am today.

That one life changing phone call? Well it was simply that ONE SHOT we are lucky enough to SOMETIMES get in this world. Remember…we are still straight up DIRT poor at this point. Dad had a friend, a beat up white ford a little money for gas and more importantly the sheer determination of a crazy man lol. Oh and he hand made 2 ‘pole scrapers. From Missouri…to Florida….the journey begins.

Imagine a VERY LARGE commercial building. Imagine removing every single piece of white square vct tile…then placing new tiles. 8 weeks of blood sweat and tears. But guess what? The top dog of all bosses was absolutely blown away by the quality of work and time frame of the finished project- he already had another job lined up before making his journey home.

My siblings and I were very disappointed to learn he was on his way home…so we cleaned our rooms like they had never been cleaned before and steered clear of dad as much as possible. Much to my dismay…he had not changed for the better but more so he was worse because now he had a lot of money for drugs and alcohol. The abuse got worse.

One day I was playing with the only toy I owned- it was a white fluffy sheep. I Loved that stuffed animal. I slept with it I took it to church I didn’t let it out of my sight. One ugly drunken evening Dsd nicely asked “hey what is your sheeps name? I opened my mouth to reply and before I knew what happened? Dad grabbed my sheep my best friend. .and he opened the wood stove door pitched it in and was even nice enough to FORCE me to watch it burn. I was bawling and sobbing just wanted to go hide in my closet but he wouldn’t let me. He said ‘suck it up buttercup ” and get your ass outside and do your chores. I ran all the way to grampas crying. Gramma found me outside in a tree. Gramma got in her silver Volkswagen went flying up the hill and marched right up in his face and I don’t know what was said because I just knew he would do something ugly to gramma…but instead Dad drove away furious and didn’t come home for a few days. I won’t lie…I prayed to god every night that he would never return.

Today I can honestly say I am proud to be his daughter. Years and years later Dad tracked me down…got on his hands and knees weeping and crying “I am so sorry for how I treated you. Can you find it in your heart to forgive me? Please please oh god I’m so ashamed I’m so fuckin sorry I beg you will you PLEASE forgive me please oh PLEEEASE??? I didn’t bat an eye. No emotion…I hated that man for at least 14 years…how could I forgive? I looked at this grown man sobbing in the floor desperately trying to get me to say something..say anything. Finally I said “I will have to think about it ” I turned and walked away leaving my dad bawling in the floor and I didn’t look back.

2 months had passed when I thought the timing was right so I approached dad. Dad I wanna talk. Do you SWEAR you will NEVER beat mom up again? Do you SWEAR as long as you live you will NEVER AND I MEAN NEVER LAY ANOTHER HAND ON AN INNOCENT CHILD?? Are you sorry that you tossed me into the river when I was 5 years old and said “sink or swim bitch? Do you vow to never kill another animal? I went on and on and on until my mom intervened. I said dad I DO forgive you…but unfortunately I cannot forget. Oh my god that was the best news he had ever heard it was like a huge weight was lifted from his shoulders.

1990 Dad made one million dollars that year.

This is an example post, originally published as part of Blogging University. Enroll in one of our ten programs, and start your blog right.

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